the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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