got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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