im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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