I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
