Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
