Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
