Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
