I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
