Swine flu. Run for my life!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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