this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
