Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
