around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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