So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
