Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
