dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
