come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
