i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
