When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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