dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
