I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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