toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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