Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
