im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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