i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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