I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Panties = found
Randomize
