just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just want nice things and good sex
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
