Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
