I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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