can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
