No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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