If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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