i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
