god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
