I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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