Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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