should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
