Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
