HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
