you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
