I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
