I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
