I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
