North Korea, Best Korea!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
