Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
