Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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