I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
