We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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