When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
