the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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