just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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